Three handwoven textiles, two of which were created in collaboration with weaver Juana Cruz; 1.5’x1′, 1.5’x2′, 2’x4′

During the summer of 2018 I conducted a self-directed project that took place in two distinct locations: Oaxaca, Mexico and El Centro, California. Over the course of seven weeks, I unpacked what it meant to be both an “insider” and “outsider” as a Mexican-American in each of these locations by learning, and then teaching, an “authentic” Mexican skill (backstrap weaving).

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For the three weeks I was in Oaxaca, I participated in the Obracadobra Artist Residency hosted by Casa Colonial—a bed and breakfast—as a way to conceptually frame myself in Oaxaca as an “artist,” “tourist,” and “outsider.” I structured my time at Obracadobra learning how to backstrap weave with an instructor, Juana Cruz. A pre-Columbian form of weaving, the backstrap loom is constructed from a series of loose rods connected to each other and an anchor point (e.g. a wall or tree) via yarn, and to the weaver via a backstrap. Although not entirely unique to Mexico, I chose to study this craft because the spectacle of backstrap weaving has attracted countless tourists over the years to Oaxaca City due to its reputation as traditional and authentically Mexican.

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From Oaxaca, I traveled to El Centro, California where I lived with my father’s side of my family. This region ecompasses California’s Imperial Valley and Baja Mexico’s capital city Mexicali. It is a hybridized space whose delineation is not as clean as the border designation would imply; instead, this area exists as a liminal third space produced by the symbiotic exchange of people and culture via a porous border.

Unlike my time in Oaxaca City, this experience was framed by familiarity. In the context of El Centro, my roles shifted to “granddaughter,” “niece,” “cousin,” and “apprentice”. I wanted to unpack what it meant for me to be an “insider” (and in many ways still an “outsider”) in this space. While in El Centro, I intended to participate in a skill exchange with my grandmother: I would teach her about backstrap weaving and she would teach me a skill she learned upon her arrival to the United States. In other words, I would teach her something “authentically Mexican” and she would teach me something “authentically American.”

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As soon as I arrived, I built my backstrap loom and prepared it…and failed…and prepared it again…and failed again… I quickly realized my flawed thinking: I had assumed that after only three weeks of instruction I would be able to both continue weaving on my own and teach someone the craft. It was a humbling realization to say the least…As I continued failing, there would be days where I would surrender to defeat and completely avoid attempting again. And on those days, my grandmother would walk by and say “y dónde está tu tejido?” (where is your weaving?) “vas a tejir?” (are you going to weave?). These moments reminded me that I was still “teaching” the craft (both the hardships and the process of failing) and that I was also still learning a “skill” that my grandmother had learned upon her arrival to the US: perseverance.